


You Can't Even Save Yourself (It's You I Want and Not Your Health)

by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM Scene, Blood and Injury, Bondage, Cutting, Derek is a Good Dom, Dom Derek Hale, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Impact Play, Knotting, M/M, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Sub Stiles Stilinski, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:26:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26109418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Trex_has_fleas/pseuds/HaleHathNoFury
Summary: Post Nogitsune, Stiles is suffering from PTSD and self-loathing and can't feel anything unless it brings him pain. Everything comes to a head when Derek reaches out and offers to teach him a better way to cope.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 66
Kudos: 456





	1. Walk Along The Razor's Edge

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KitsuneGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitsuneGirl/gifts).



> This fic will contain graphic descriptions of self-harm and BDSM scenes. Just a heads up if that's not your bag. Feel free to tell me if I've missed a tag. 
> 
> This is a gift for KitsuneGirl. Thank you for your unwavering support and I'm sorry I dragged you in with me ahahahahhaha! I hope you like this!
> 
> Fic Title and Chapter Titles from Crazy by Diana Salvatore, with a minor alteration.

The first time was an accident. A fumbled glass and a bright searing pain in his hand. But when Stiles stood and ran the cut under cold water just like Noah had tight him to when he was smaller and prone to accidents, he felt something. 

That was all it took and later, Stiles would be horrified by how low he’d gotten with no-one, not even himself noticing. Perhaps that was attribute to how well he lied. It was a fitting punishment as far as he was concerned, so he dressed the cut and kept it clean, but every now and then, he’d press on it just to feel. 

Two weeks later and he was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, looking at himself. The Nogitsune was gone, but the stain it had left on his soul was still there. Stiles eyed himself critically, noting the still deep shadows under his eyes, the pallor of his skin. It had been nearly two months since he’d run rampant, killing and maiming and causing destruction as the thing inside had cackled and taken over him like he’d been nothing but a puppet. Now everyone tiptoed around him, except for Malia. She’d completely ignored his lack of enthusiasm and barreled her way into his life, crawling through his window and climbing on top of him. Stiles’ body responded but he felt empty every time it happened, like it someone else was driving. That was enough to make his skin crawl and he’d started locking his window to keep her out. 

He ran his hands down his sides, feeling the ribs that stood out against his skin. Stiles had never been a fussy eater, happy to consume pretty much anything that tasted good, but now everything tasted like mold and rotting bandages. Every time he had to eat to keep up appearances, it choked him and stuck in his throat. He couldn’t face anything that even remotely resembled blood, including ketchup. He lived on coffee and soda, hoping like hell that layering his clothes would hide the worst of it. Noah would look at him sometimes, like he knew what Stiles was doing, but he never said anything. Stiles knew it was because he didn’t want to put him under any pressure, but sometimes he wished for anyone to shake him and wake him up from the half life he was drifting through. 

The razor blade gleamed where it lay on the countertop. Stiles had spent enough time trawling the internet to find the most reliable information. He’d gone through plenty of sites, where others like him shared tips and advice, talked about the best places to cut and how to hide it. There was a bottle of antiseptic and some butterfly sutures and gauze dressings to go with the razor blade. Stiles might have been fucked, but he wasn’t about to give himself septicemia on top of everything else. 

He reached out and smiled grimly when his hand didn’t shake. He’d been like that since the Nogitsune, shaky and shivery like he couldn’t ever get warm. Now he was excited, the anticipation almost as good as the pain when he pressed the edge to the soft skin of his inner arm, the razor blade so sharp that Stiles didn’t even register the cut until a thin scarlet line appeared, standing out starkly against the whiteness of his skin. He inhaled sharply, the pain coming in a rush that had his head spinning. Dizzy, he did it again and again until he had a line of three perfectly straight incisions, all of them dribbling blood down his arm so that it fell to the tiled floor in splats. He watched it, the crushing weight in his chest easing for the first time since he’d cut himself on the glass or even before. It was enough to make him giddy, the pain and blood and knowledge that this hurt was his alone, made by him and suffered by choice rather than inflicted by the Nogitsune. 

Here he had control. He could feel again and the pain was good. It meant he was alive. 

Stiles didn’t know how long he stood there bleeding onto the floor, but eventually he came out of it. The floor around his feet was wet with blood and he hissed and started to clean himself up. The antiseptic stung like a bitch, but it was a clean pain like the cutting. He closed them with the sutures and then covered them all up with the self-adhesive gauze dressing, inspecting it when he was done. 

‘Nothing to see here.’ he said to his reflection, ignoring the way his face distorted in the mirror. The first time that had happened, he’d had a full on panic attack until he realised it wasn’t going to hurt him. Now it was unsettling, but so much of his life had become a nightmare so a little hallucinating was nothing to worry about. 

-

After that it became a ritual. 

Stiles was proud of the way he was handling things. Nobody had picked up on anything - not Scott, not his father, not Lydia. And now he had a handle on it, any time he felt like the darkness was coming to swallow him whole, Stiles went into the bathroom and made his incisions that brought back his clarity and gave him enough control to breathe again. 

He switched things up, moving from his upper arm to his hip. Eventually he sat down on the closed lid of the toilet and incised into the soft flesh of his inner thigh. Stiles hadn’t expected anything to happen, but to his surprise he started to breathe a little faster. The intimacy of the location, coupled with the feelings that surged through him was startling in its intensity and he started to get hard, even as he drew the blade across his skin. By the time the blood was dripping to the floor, he was more turned on that he could remember being before the Nogitsune. He stared at his erect cock tenting his boxers and closed his eyes, reveling in the feeling. 

Maybe he wasn’t as broken as he had thought he was. 

The first time he jerked off after cutting was the same night that Derek came to a pack meeting since he’d come back to help fight the Nogitsune. Stiles hadn’t seen him since that night and he was pleasantly surprised when Derek had come and flopped down onto the couch next to him, his broad shoulders taking up too much space. 

‘Hey.’ he said, his voice soft and light. Stiles always wondered how Derek could look so mean and sound so gentle. 

‘Hey.’ he replied and felt himself easing into the couch. Nobody else wanted to sit next to him. Of course it wasn’t conscious, but they all ended up sitting as far from Stiles as possible and this reminder that he was still there meant a lot more to him than he could voice aloud. 

Scott was busy rambling on about something. Stiles had trouble focusing at the best of times and the past few months had left him in a place where he simply couldn’t follow much anymore. Instead he focused on Derek, the creak of his leather jacket and the smell of his aftershave. Underneath it was something woodier, musky and animal. He often forgot that Derek wasn’t human but breathing him in was like a revelation. Derek was a wolf, with fangs and claws and the ability to rip his throat out. 

That was all it took really. 

That night, after cutting along his collar bone, Stiles pressed his fingertips against the cuts and took his cock in hand. He started off slow, dry handed for the edge of pain along with the pleasure, thinking of how Derek might hurt him. Images flashed through his brain of being pinned and marked, Derek’s claws slicing him open instead of the razor blades. He would bite too, perfect little puncture marks in Stiles’ shoulder as he was held down and made to let go. He would be able to not think about anything but letting Derek do what he wanted with him. 

When he came it was blinding, knocking the wind right out of Stiles and making him weak in the knees. He collapsed on the floor, his come-covered hand landing in the growing crimson puddle. He smiled, wide and overly bright, then dragged his hand across his chest and breathed in the acrid copper and semen tang and felt more like himself than he could remember. 

-

The next pack meeting saw Stiles running late. He’d gotten a little carried away, his cuts going deeper in his quest for more and more intensity. The deepest of the three had not stopped bleeding and Stiles had spent a terrified half hour wondering if he’d hit a major vessel before the blood finally slowed and started to congeal. He had been a bit sloppy when he’d cleaned up and it still throbbed under his long sleeved shirt. 

He and Derek had gotten into the habit of sitting next to each other, two pariahs in Scott’s new shiny pack where everyone was full of team spirit and denial. 

‘You’re late.’ Derek murmured when he sat down. 

‘Got held up.’ Stiles had a brief moment of panic that Derek might be able to smell the blood under the antiseptic and then relaxed when he said nothing else. After the meeting, Stiles went out to his jeep, only to find Derek lurking behind him when he opened the driver’s door, hands in his pockets and every bit as stony faced as that first day in the woods.

‘Are you going home?’ he asked and Stiles frowned. 

‘You’re not?’ he asked and then realised how stupid that sounded. The loft had long since ceased to be anything but a grim reminder of what Derek had lost. 

‘I’m hungry.’ he said. ‘I thought we could go eat.’ 

Stiles swallowed hard against the swell of panic. He put on a nonchalant expression. 

‘I’ve eaten already.’ he replied. 

‘Bullshit.’ Derek said amiably. ‘Come eat with me.’ 

Stiles didn’t really have an excuse to trot out. Noah was on shift and all that awaited him was an empty house and nightmares if he even managed to fall asleep. 

‘Okay.’ he relented. ‘But I drive.’ 

‘No problem.’ Derek said and went around to the passenger side. He directed Stiles to a diner on the far east of town. It was grubby and showing its age, but the smells when they went inside actually had Stiles salivating. He slid into one side of the booth at the back that Derek shoved him towards and picked up the laminated menu. Everything looked gloriously greasy and Stiles was amazed to find that he was actually hungry. His stomach rumbled and he went red at Derek’s pointed look.

‘Still going to tell me you already ate?’ he asked and leaned his elbows on the table. ‘You used to be a better liar.’ 

‘Fuck you.’ Stiles retorted, his face heating up. ‘Don’t act like you know me.’

‘Except I do know you.’ Derek said easily, leaning back with one arm thrown along the back of the seat. ‘Better than you think. I certainly know you well enough to see you’re in deep shit right now.’ 

Icy fingers traced down Stiles’ spine. 

‘What is this? An intervention?’ He tried to make it sound like a joke but Derek’s green eyes narrowed and he fixed Stiles with that penetrating look he’d perfected. 

‘Not exactly.’ he said and then he did something weird, pulling up the sleeve of his leather jacket and laying his arm on the table. ‘What do you see?’

Stiles stared at the flawless expanse of tanned skin. 

‘Nothing.’ he said and Derek nodded. 

‘Only because wolves heal.’ he replied, pulling his sleeve back down and picking up the menu while Stiles’ mind went into overdrive. ‘Now order what you want. When we’re done, you and I are going to have a long talk.’


	2. You Think You Can Save Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note on the type of fic this is. The BDSM here is not going to be all out craziness. It's going to be quiet and gentle and there will be no verbal humiliation or sadism involved and with a ton of aftercare. Again if that's not what you're after, this is not for you. Similarly, if you think that Derek being the dom is going to equal aggressive topping then again, this is not going to be for you. I play the boys as switches so if that's a squick for you then leave this one alone :) Remember kids, equating your top/bottom positions to traditional heterosexual binaries is not only unrealistic, but enforces harmful gender stereotypes! Consent is sexy! Aftercare is important!!!!
> 
> Here ends my rant for the day :D

Stiles didn’t eat, but he did manage to put away a whole peanut-butter and chocolate milkshake without feeling like he was going to puke it back up. Derek ate a double cheeseburger, fries and onion rings, washing it down with a strawberry milkshake and three cups of coffee. He tipped the server fifty percent, making Stiles goggle at him, and then he was up and taking him by his uninjured arm and gently dragging him to his feet. 

‘Time to go.’ he announced and frogmarched Stiles out the diner and back to his car. Stiles was still to bemused by what Derek had said before the server had come to take their order, cutting him short. He didn’t even protest when Derek frisked him, taking his keys and directing Stiles to the passenger seat. He got in and started the Jeep, managing to not grate the gears like Scott always did, and pulled out from the parking lot. The streetlights cast a strip of light right across his eyes, turning them almost colourless. Stiles watched him for a few minutes and then started speaking. 

‘When?’ he asked and Derek’s mouth twisted. For a moment he looked unbearably vulnerable. 

‘Just after we got to New York.’ he said. ‘Laura made me go to school and she got a job. She worked shifts so she was gone a lot of the time and when I got home, I’d find the silence too much. Cutting was the only thing that made it go away.’ 

Stiles considered that and shifted in his seat. 

‘You healed right away though.’ he asked and Derek shrugged. 

‘Not always.’ he replied. ‘We can delay the healing and sometimes I needed to feel the pain for longer. It got out of hand though and I got stupid. I was doing things that were risky, even for a werewolf and then I got my tattoo and Laura flipped. We got into this screaming match and I walked out. I stayed gone for a couple of days and when I got back, she told me that I couldn’t do it anymore, that I had to find a better way to deal with the pain.’ 

‘So what did you do?’ Stiles could barely breathe. He was hanging on every word. Derek had never opened up the way he was doing and he wanted to know more, greedy for any little detail. 

‘I found a better way.’ The corner of Derek’s mouth quirked, a not quite smile. ‘And if you want, I’ll show you.’ 

Stiles sat back and looked out the window, his mind working overtime. 

‘How did you know?’ he asked. ‘I made sure you couldn’t smell the blood and it’s not like I’m clumsy enough to not hurt myself and need antiseptic.’

‘It’s the positioning.’ Derek replied. ‘It’s very unlikely you’d hurt yourself here.’ He reached up and stroked a finger down Stiles’ upper arm. ‘Or here.’ 

Stiles gasped when Derek’s hand came down on his thigh, reaching up high to where he cut himself. It was the last thing he’d expected Derek to do and the arousal he was now conditioned to feel when he ventured there came back in force and he started to get hard. Cringing, he jerked away and curled in on himself, not daring to even look at Derek. 

‘I’m sorry.’ he whispered, trying desperately to will his erection away, but the more he tried, the worse it got. He was thinking about Derek’s hands, big and strong and also surprisingly gentle and he peeked at them, resting so innocently on the steering wheel. 

‘It’s alright.’ Derek’s voice was still calm and low. ‘It’s a conditioned reflex. I had it too. Something in your brain gets fucked up and you associate the pain with pleasure and from there’s it’s only a short jump to getting aroused by the cutting.’

Stiles glanced at him. Derek’s face was composed, the flare of his nostrils the only sign he was affected by the situation as he took in Stiles’ scent. 

‘Doesn’t it bother you?’ he asked. ‘What I’m feeling?’

‘No.’ Derek said and this time it was stern. ‘I understand what you’re going through. The thing that bothers me is you hurting yourself. That I’m not going to stand for. It stops tonight.’

Stiles blinked in surprise.

‘But…’ he stared and Derek cut him off. There was an odd vibration under his words and it went straight to Stiles’ cock. 

‘No arguments.’ he growled. ‘It stops tonight or I tell your dad what you’re doing.’

‘That’s blackmail.’ Stiles protested but his voice was shaking. He jammed his hands between his thighs to stop himself from shaking. 

‘I know.’ Derek was unmoved. ‘But that’s the deal. Take it or leave it.’ 

Stiles thought about his options and came up with nothing. 

‘Why?’ he asked. ‘I hurt you too.’ 

‘Penance.’ Derek replied, looking at him for the first time with haunted eyes. ‘I got taught a better way to deal and now I’m teaching you.’ His eyes softened. ‘And because it’s what we do, right? Save each other, even when everyone else thinks it’s not worth it.’ 

That hit Stiles right in the gut and he was horrified when tears welled up, making his vision blurry. He sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve and feeling utterly pathetic. 

‘I’m not worth it.’ It hurt like hell to say out loud but the second he did, Stiles knew it was the truth, the biggest fear he had. He wasn’t worth it, not worth redeeming or caring about. 

Not after what he’d done. 

He hadn’t noticed that they were back at his house until Derek took both hands off the wheel and caught his wrists, turning Stiles to face him. 

‘Look at me.’ he ordered and the vibration was back. When Stiles did, he saw Derek’s eyes were glowing, the electric blue hypnotic and pulling Stiles in until he felt like he was underwater. 

‘If I were a wolf, my eyes would be blue, wouldn’t they?’ he asked and Derek looked terribly sad. 

‘The guilt will kill you if you let it.’ he said. ‘Believe me, I know.’ 

Stiles choked off a noise when Derek raised a hand to his face, gently running the backs of his fingers along the cheekbone that Gerard had bruised what felt like a lifetime ago. 

‘Sometimes we forget how fragile you are.’ he murmured. ‘That you’re human. Your heart is like a wolf’s and you’re the bravest, strongest person I know.’ 

Stiles let go, starting to cry freely and blinking away the tears. 

‘I hate it.’ His face crumpled, the self-loathing that had been building up finally bubbling over in a noxious wave. ‘How can you even stand to be around me?’

‘I used to ask myself the same thing.’ Derek replied, dropping his hand. ‘You’re the one that taught me that I was worth saving. You never gave up on me. I’m not going to give up on you.’ 

Stiles looked at him, wiping tears away until he could see that Derek was completely serious. Not only that, but the way he was looking at Stiles was unlike anything he’d done before. His face was open and accepting and then he smiled. It wasn’t his usual shit-eating smile or the fake one he used to get what he wanted. This was small and quiet and commiserating, like he knew exactly how Stiles was feeling and there was not a bit of condemnation in it. 

‘How?’ he asked and Derek let go of his hands and opened the door. 

‘Inside.’ he said. ‘You need to be more settled before we have this conversation.’ 

That had Stiles paying attention. He undid his seat-belt and got out. Derek tossed him the keys and he went to unlock the door. Once inside he started to get nervous, wringing his hands as Derek came in closed the door behind him. 

‘You want something to drink?’ he asked and Derek gave him a gentle push in the direction of the living room. 

‘Go sit.’ he ordered. ‘I’ll get us some water.’

Stiles stumbled over his own feet in his rush to go sit down. Now that he had something to focus on, the anguish was going away and he could breathe a bit easier. He sat down, rigid with tension as he listened to the sound of the tap going. Derek came back a moment later with two glasses that he set down on the coffee table, then stripped off his jacket and came to sit next to Stiles. He rubbed his hands together, gathering his thoughts and Stiles found himself leaning forward in anticipation. 

‘What are we going to talk about?’ he finally asked, unable to keep it in any longer. 

Derek took a deep breath and then looked at him. 

‘I’m assuming in all your trawling through the internet and your extensive porn collection that you know what BDSM is.’ he said and Stiles nearly choked on his own saliva. He started coughing frantically, grabbing the glass of water and drinking half of it before he finally was able to speak again. He saw that Derek was watching him carefully, although there was a tiny ghost of a smile there. 

‘Jesus, dude.’ Stiles was still a bit hoarse. ‘Warn me before you say something like that. And yes, I obviously know what it is.’

‘Okay, maybe what you see online.’ Derek replied easily, taking a sip of his own water. ‘What I’m talking about isn’t about humiliation or making you do things so I can get my kicks. I’m talking about providing a safe space for you to feel. Right now that involves you doing unsafe things. I can make it so that you can get the same effect, but in a way that’s carefully controlled and safe for you. I can take the uncertainty and insecurity away for a bit and just let you be what you need to be and feel what you need to feel. No questions asked about what it is and no judgement. What do you think?’

Stiles had no answer to that. The very thought that Derek was willing to do something like that for him had him completely speechless. Derek didn’t rush him. He waited patiently until Stiles could voice what he wanted to say. 

‘Is this a sex thing?’ he asked and then wanted to kick himself. He would have been lying if he said that the thought of doing sexy kinky things with Derek hadn’t played a significant part in his bisexual awakening. But then the Nogitsune had happened and Malia and he hadn’t wanted to do sexy kinky things with anyone at all. 

Derek chuckled and it was warm and dangerously close to fond. 

‘It doesn’t have to be.’ he replied. ‘But if you wanted it to be, I’d be down with that. It’s not really a secret how I feel about you.’ 

‘Um... what?’ Stiles was amazed. ‘You think about me like that?’

‘Of course I do.’ Derek snorted like his usual sarcastic self, and the tension cracked just like that. ‘And you’re an idiot if you haven’t noticed.’ 

‘How would I?’ Stiles protested, waving his hands around wildly. ‘I don’t have a super sniffer and you’re not exactly vying for Emotionally Accessible Werewolf of The Year.’ 

He was just about to get into the swing of a really good rant when Derek laughed and caught his flailing hands, carefully placing them in Stiles’ lap before he cupped his face and kissed him. It was barely anything scandalous, just a simple close-mouthed kiss but it lit Stiles’ entire body up like he was conducting a thousand volts of electricity. Derek’s mouth was soft and insistent but he didn’t push any further than that, finally pulling back and letting Stiles catch his breath. 

‘Oh.’ he said in a small voice and Derek smiled at him. 

‘I came back here the same night they called me.’ he said, his warm breath ghosting over Stiles’ parted lips. ‘I didn’t sleep for two days straight, looking for you. Apart from Cora, you’re the most important person in my life.’ He gave a little half-shrug and Stiles realised he’d never seen Derek so unsure of anything before. ‘You’re my anchor, Stiles. You keep me afloat and you keep me strong. Now I want to do that for you. Please, let me.’ 

He stroked his thumbs back and forth along Stiles’ cheeks and the imploring look in his eyes had Stiles falling right into them. 

‘Okay.’ he whispered and leaned in for another kiss.


	3. You've Got Me Hanging By A Thread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to start earning that rating :) T/W for mild D/s scene over the phone.

The sound of the cruiser woke Derek from a sound sleep and he blinked muzzily for a few moments, then registered the warm pliant body tucked up against him. His arm was draped over Stiles’ waist, Stiles’ nose was in his neck and they were about as close as two cubs in the way their legs tangled together.

That brought back the night before, nothing but slow kisses and deep breaths of delicious aroused Stiles. He had wanted to push, always impatient to run before he could walk, but Derek had slowed them down and eventually Stiles’ heartbeat had evened out and he’d fallen asleep, completely trusting Derek to look after him.

He gently disentangled himself, kissing Stiles on the forehead when he made a disgruntled noise and tried to pull Derek back down.

‘Stay.’ he mumbled.

‘Your dad’s home.’ Derek murmured into his hair. ‘I’ll be back later, once he’s gone.’ He thanked everything that it was Saturday and he could have enough time to plan for the evening. Stiles had said that Noah was working another night and that would give Derek enough time to get everything he needed and for them to set out the ground rules again before they started. They’d had a brief conversation lying curled up in the dark that Derek had listened to attentively, reading things from Stiles’ scent and heart rate but he would need to hear Stiles agree to everything again when he wasn’t emotionally overwrought and falling asleep.

He left him snuggling back under the covers, hightailing it out through the window just as Noah was going in the door. The run back to where he’d parked. From there it was a quick stop to shower and change and then out again. He was buzzing too much with anticipation to sleep. He’d nap later, before it was time to go to Stiles.

Derek had left all his gear in New York and it was still sitting in a storage facility somewhere out in Flushing. He didn’t want to go into this with any shadows hanging over him so it was better that he was starting from scratch. There was a well stocked sex shop three towns over that he headed for, having bought a few things there since he’d come back chasing after Laura. Today though, this would be a special trip.

Stiles had run through things he was comfortable with and those he’d outright decided were a no-go area. Pinning with hands was good, so was light bondage. Gags were completely out, unless it was Derek’s cock doing it. Pain was negotiable and so was blood. It was pretty easy to read what Stiles had been getting out of his solo sessions and he’d played with the tips of Derek’s fingers while he’d blushed and mumbled about claws and marking. Sexual activity was definitely on offer, although Derek would take it slow. Stiles had confessed to having experimented with his own toys and so he wasn’t a stranger to anal penetration, although he’d never done it with another person. The casual mention of knotting had sent Stiles’ heartbeat racing, arousal coming out of every pore. That gave Derek a delicious frisson, the thought that he’d be the first to have Stiles in that way. Malia’s scent lingered on Stiles and in his room and Derek was looking forward to replacing it with his own.

The store was just opening when he got there, the assistant still bleary eyed as she set up the register while Derek shopped. He knew exactly what he wanted and by the time she was ready for him, he had everything he needed. He set out his purchases - high quality lube, a black silicone vibrating butt plug, two dildos in glittery neon colours that he knew would Stiles smile and some cotton rope, not as harsh on the skin as jute. It wasn’t anything too advanced but it would do the job of easing Stiles in. The rest of it would be taken care of by Derek’s claws, mouth and cock.

‘Looks like a fun weekend.’ the assistant yawned, smiling at him. There was no deception in her heartbeat and she smelled sincere so he smiled back and took the bag from here once he’d paid.

He stopped off for breakfast, his appetite kicking in full force. Halfway through his second omelette his phone buzzed and Derek wiped off his hands and picked it up.

_No fair sneaking out. I had plans._

Derek grinned and tapped out a reply.

_So do I. In fact, that’s what I’ve been doing while you’ve been lying around in bed._

He pictured it, Stiles still all warm and soft, his scent pooling in those intimate places that Derek was going to very much enjoy exploring later. That gave him pause and he sent another message.

_That reminds me. Don’t shower. Just make sure your ass and teeth are clean._

_This is a scent thing, isn’t it. Werewolves are gross._

_If I was gross, I would have told you not to wash your ass either._

_Jesus, Derek. Warn a guy. Now I’m thinking about you eating me out._

Derek smirked and shifted in his seat, already getting hard just from the thought.

_I’m definitely going to be doing that. I’m going to make you come on my tongue at least once._

The next text was appropriately succinct.

_Fuck._

Derek chuckled and set his phone aside. He spent the rest of his breakfast idly daydreaming about Stiles jerking off in his bed. The drive back to Beacon Hills was leisurely and when he got inside, he laid everything out on the coffee table and then sent another message.

_This is where we start. Have a look at these things and tell me if you don’t want to use any of them._

There was a period of exactly four minutes with no reply and then a flurry of them.

_NO._

_I want to use everything._

_More specifically I want you to use everything on me._

_Are you going to tie me up?_

Derek had to breathe deeply through his nose to keep himself focused.

_I thought I’d start with physical restraint first, work our way up to that when you were comfortable._

_Good. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet. Still some mixed feelings after you know what._

Derek thought about that. It made sense of course. The next message made him whine though.

_I was thinking about edging. Maybe the butt plug while you ran your claws over me, maybe a little bit of pain?_

‘Fucking hell.’ Derek muttered, his hand dropped to undo his belt and then pop the button on his jeans. He was hard again, his cock pressing against its confinement. On a whim he pulled himself out and then snapped a picture of his erection, one hand holding it steady.

_How about photographic evidence of how much I’m enjoying that idea?_

The reply was instantaneous.

_YESYESYESYESYES_

It was so like Stiles old self that Derek laughed out loud and then sent the picture. For a moment he contemplated that he’d blown Stiles’ mind. He stroked himself slowly, drawing the pleasure out. He was already wet and he wondered what Stiles would think of that.

_Jesus. Just… fucking hell. You’ve got a fucking pretty dick, dude._

Derek grinned, spitting into his hand and moving it faster. He slumped down on the couch, phone in his other hand.

_You want it?_

_Yes._

_Ask me nicely, cub._

This wasn’t going to be pushing too many boundaries. They had discussed Derek being in charge, taking all the responsibility away so that Stiles could just concentrate on feeling.

_Please. I want it in me. Please put your cock in me, Derek._

That made his fangs drop. Derek started panting hard.

_I want to see._

His phone pinged a moment later and he got his first look at Stiles’ cock. It was long and elegant, like his fingers. Derek could almost taste him at the back of his throat.

_That’s very good, cub. Now touch yourself. I want you to come for me._

His phone lit up, the screen showing Stiles’ name. Derek answered, tucking it between his shoulder and head. He grabbed the lube and slicked up his hand, tightening his grip as he thrust up into it, thumb working the sensitive spot just under the head before swiping over it.

‘Tell me what you’re doing.’ he ordered, letting it drop to a growl.

‘I’m doing what you wanted.’ Stiles was breathless, panting noisily through his nose. ‘Can I ask something?’

‘Of course.’ Derek kept his voice as steady as he could. ‘This is when you should be asking questions.’

‘I know what I want.’ Stiles was jacking off quick and hard, judging from the sounds. ‘But what do you want?’

Derek smiled.

‘I want you to give it up.’ He was getting close, his balls drawing up in anticipation. ‘I want to hold you down and finger you until you’re a mess. I want to make you stay still while I fuck your ass with the plug, get it all the way in and turn it on so you’re writhing from it. Then I want to hold you down and suck your cock until you come down my throat.’

‘Oh shit.’ Stiles went all high pitched, whining loudly before being muffled. He’d obviously dropped the phone, but a moment later he was back.

‘Once you’ve come the first time, I’m going to run my claws up and down your thighs. I want to leave welts on your skin, make you smell like me. I want to fuck your mouth until you’re hard again, then take the plug out and work you with a dildo. I’m going to get you close again and again until you’re crying. Then I’m going to fuck you until you come on my knot.’ Derek was almost frantic. He used both hands to grip tightly around his cock, driving up with powerful thrusts until he felt himself start to knot. ‘Fuck, I’m doing it now Stiles. I’m knotting just thinking about you.’

‘Oh God.’ Stiles hissed and Derek could hear the way his breathing hit a peak, the strained moans as he came and the way he was thrashing around. It was all he needed to follow, his knot swelling as he climaxed, his come going all over his hands and jeans and the couch while he snarled his way through it. When he stopped, he was completely knocked out and feeling deeply satisfied in a way he hadn’t felt for a very long time.

He scrabbled for his phone, smiling when he heard the soft panting on the other side.

‘You did good, baby.’ he said, keeping his voice soft and low. ‘I’m proud of you.’

‘Derek.’ Stiles sounded sated and sleepy and every good thing Derek could think of. ‘That was…’ He trailed off and Derek knew right now he was probably swimming in a sea of endorphins.

‘Listen to me carefully.’ he said. ‘I want you to stay in bed, sleep a little more. Have you got the water I left you?’

‘Yeah.’ Stiles was a bit slurred, but Derek could hear him moving.

‘Have some.’ He waited, listening to Stiles drink. ‘Good boy. Now bed back down. I’ll be there as soon as your dad’s gone.’

‘Okay.’ Stiles sighed happily. ‘Thank you for taking care of me.’

Derek fell silent. Stiles’ words cut right through him, breaking him open and filling him with his own happiness.

‘You’re welcome, cub.’ He leaned back against the couch. ‘I’ll always take care of you. Sleep now.’

He listened to Stiles drift off then disconnected the call and got up to go clean himself off. He was starting to drop himself. It had been years since he’d scened with anyone and it was a lot more intense that he’d thought it would be. He followed his own advice, drinking some water and going to bed, asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.


	4. Into Black and Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning...

Stiles chewed on a nail, bouncing on the edge of the couch. He’d been walking around on eggshells since he’d woken up around midday. Noah had made them both brunch, having just woken himself. They’d talked for a long time and it felt like something inside Stiles had been cracked open enough for them to really connect. Noah had gone off to work after hugging him tightly and kissing the top of his head, something he hadn’t done since Claudia had died. He’d even told Stiles how much he loved him. 

Stiles hadn’t realised just how far apart they had drifted until suddenly the door was open again. Now he felt warm inside, happy and verging on content, and all it had taken was for someone to understand. 

He hadn’t showered, as per Derek’s instructions. Instead he’d taken his time to clean himself out as thoroughly as he could and brushed his teeth to get rid of any taste of food. He was buzzing with energy and while he felt a little bit of trepidation about what was going to happen, he wasn’t in any way anxious. 

The doorbell ringing had Stiles nearly leaping up off the couch. He realised that he’d been so lost in his head that he’d completely missed the sound of the Camaro. When he opened the door, he blinked in surprise. Derek was in jeans and a worn t-shirt, but he was missing his usual perfectly put together mask that he normally wore. His hair was soft and product free, mussed like he’d run out the house without checking it and the open warmth in his eyes when he looked at Stiles, along with the small secretive smile had Stiles’ heart starting to race. 

‘Hi.’ He sounded lovestruck and stupid to his own ears, but Derek simply stepped into the house, setting down the duffle he was carrying and wrapping one arm around his waist, pulling Stiles into a deep kiss that practically oozed possession. He coaxed Stiles’ mouth open with a practised flick of his tongue, easing in and sucking on Stiles’ tongue before biting gently at his bottom lip and when Derek let him go, he was struggling not to pant. ‘Wow. Okay. I can definitely work with that.’ 

‘Mmmm.’ Derek ducked in, dragging his nose down the side of Stiles’ neck. ‘You didn’t shower. That’s good.’ He sounded like he was on the verge of purring. Stiles squeaked at the touch of wet warm tongue to his pulse point and then melted when Derek started sucking on his neck. 

‘Did you do the other thing I asked?’ He murmured in Stiles’ ear, his other hand resting lightly on Stiles’ hip, fingers nudging just under the waistband of his sweats. 

‘Yes.’ Stiles was clinging to him, hands fisted in his t-shirt. ‘Clean as a whistle, big guy.’ He was struggling to even think, every sense shorting out when Derek bent his knees and scooped Stiles up off the floor, setting him on his hip like a small child, grabbing the duffle and heading for the stairs. ‘Holy shit! Okay, we’re diving right in then.’  
‘Not exactly.’ Derek replied. ‘But I want you to be comfortable and that will be easier in your room.’ 

He got to the door and shouldered it open, setting Stiles down on his bed and the duffle on the desk before turning back with a wicked gleam in his eyes. Stiles was astounded. He’d never seen such a gleefully playful Derek before and his stomach turned over as the butterflies inside went crazy. 

‘You’re really into this, aren’t you?’ he asked, flopping down on the bed that he’d carefully made with clean sheets. The old ones had been on there for about two weeks, and he knew Derek would probably catch a hint of Malia in there somewhere if he’d left them. 

‘When I was in New York, this is what kept me alive some days.’ Derek replied without looking at him. The line of shoulders was relaxed though and his voice matter of fact so Stiles settled in for the story. ‘I started going to clubs and testing my limits. I met someone who taught me a lot, showed me how this was supposed to work. They let me test things, feel out what I was comfortable with and showed me that sex was supposed to be fun, not something used as a weapon.’ He glanced over his shoulder at Stiles. ‘It helped a lot.’ 

Stiles wondered who the person could have been, but didn’t pry. If Derek wanted to tell him, he could do it in his own time. He watched as Derek laid out all the toys and ropes on his desk and then waved him over. He got up and went, slipping into Derek’s arm like he was meant to be there. 

‘Do you remember what I said to you earlier?’ Derek asked and he nodded, leaning into him shamelessly and basking in his body heat. 

‘Yes.’ he looked at him. ‘I’m ready.’ 

‘Go sit.’ The edge of authority was already seeping in and Stiles rushed to obey, his internal drive for approval wagging its tail when he got an approving look. He sat, hands clasped between his knees as Derek came and kneeled in front of him, hands on Stiles’ thighs. 

‘I thought I was supposed to be the one on my knees.’ he said and Derek smiled. 

‘Some Doms require obedience and get off on the control.’ he replied. ‘That’s not my thing. I prefer to think of this like a dance. I lead and you follow, but it’s for both of us. I have no interest in hurting you or humiliating you for my own gratification. This is about me caring for you and making sure you’re safe and happy. Everything else, be it pain or bloodplay or sex is only secondary to that.’

Stiles looked down at him, getting lost in green and gold. The earnestness in Derek’s voice, the completely open way he was speaking to Stiles had him overwhelmed. 

‘I trust you.’ he blurted out before he could even think. ‘I do.’ 

He’d obviously said the right because Derek’s smile was blinding. He reached up to cup Stiles’ face, kissing him like he’d just given Derek the best gift ever. 

‘Thank you.’ he said, nosing at Stiles’ cheek. ‘You don’t know what this means, but I’d like to show you.’

‘Okay.’ Stiles couldn’t help beaming back in the face of such obvious happiness. ‘Tell me what I need to do.’ 

‘Okay.’ Derek turned serious again. ‘Have you thought of a safe word.’ 

‘Toothpaste.’ Stiles wrinkled his nose. ‘It’s just got lodged in there, sorry.’ 

‘No, it’s good.’ Derek reassured him. ‘I’m also going to check in a lot with you. So the usual traffic light system as well. Green for go, red for stop, yellow for you’re not sure and need further discussion. We talk about everything and if you feel any hesitation at all, you safeword out. Also be aware that I have the same right too. My safeword is seagull.’ 

That had Stiles laughing. 

‘Because you hate them?’ he asked and Derek’s brows drew down. ‘Also why do you need a safeword if you’re the Dom?’

‘They’re rats with wings, Stiles.’ he said. ‘And because even Dom’s need to be able to stop. Things might get too intense for me or you might think your limits are further than they are and be pushing me to do things I’m not comfortable with.’ 

‘That’s a really good point.’ Stiles nodded. ‘Okay, clear.’

‘Good.’ Derek stood up. ‘Do you have any questions?’

‘What do I call you?’ Stiles asked. ‘To be honest I’d feel kind of silly calling you Sir or Master or anything like that.’

‘And I don’t like it anyway.’ Derek replied. ‘You call me Derek.’

‘Not Daddy?’ Stiles smirked and Derek made a face. 

‘Absolutely not.’ he replied. ‘If you need an honourific then you can use…’

‘Alpha?’ Stiles finished for him, mind already leaping ahead. He saw the way it instantly made Derek’s ears go red and grinned. ‘Oh, you like that.’ 

‘I’m not technically an Alpha anymore.’ Derek replied, chin dipping in embarrassment. ‘You don’t have to.’

‘No, I like it.’ Stiles said, reaching out and taking his hand. ‘It fits. Alpha it is. I also really liked what you called me earlier. Cub is good. So is baby.’

Derek’s smile was almost shy. He nodded and squeezed Stiles’ hand and then it was like he was shifting, but instead of going beta he assumed an aura of authority that had Stiles breathless in a single moment. He tipped Stiles’ chin up with two fingers so their eyes met. 

‘You ready, cub?’ he asked and the growl in his voice was enough to wake Stiles’ body up. He shifted, his cock getting hard under the unrelenting scrutiny of Derek’s pale eyes. 

‘Yes, Alpha.’ he breathed and Derek stepped back. 

‘Clothes off and on the bed.’ he ordered. ‘I want you on your back.’ 

Stiles scrambled to obey, his head already getting fuzzy. He’d always wondered about himself, his need for approval, and how it might manifest like this. Now he had his answer. He stripped off his t-shirt and sweats and lay down, not quite sure what to do with his hands and blushing at his obvious arousal. 

Derek had taken off his boots and was busy pulling his t-shirt over his head. Stiles took the opportunity to ogle the sizeable bulge in his jeans and thought about what Derek had said about knotting. He already knew about knots, had done a fair amount of research about them and he was almost unbearably excited at the thought of seeing Derek’s in the flesh. 

‘So here’s what I want you to do.’ Derek was casual as he approached. ‘I want you to tell me what we’re doing today. Remember what I said.’ His body was different fro his alpha days, a little sleeker and no more waxed chest. Thick black hair furred his chest and stomach, leading down and down into his undone jeans. It was clear he was going commando and Stiles licked his dry lips and swallowed hard. 

‘You’re going to finger me open.’ His voice shook. ‘You’re going to put the plug in me and turn it on. Then you’re going to go down on me and make me come.’ 

‘Good boy.’ Derek smiled, and this time it was pure predator. He picked up the butt plug and lube from the desk, putting them on the nightstand and moving to the bed, one knee up while he leaned over Stiles, a hand next to him. ‘Spread your legs.’

Stiles whimpered but did as he asked, his face going impossibly red when Derek’s eyes moved down his body, lingering over his cock. He smiled, pleased. 

For a mouthy little thing, you sure roll over easy, cub.’ he growled, his free hand coming to rest on Stiles’ thigh. He moved it up, and Stiles gasped when he felt the lightest drag of claws where he usually cut himself. His cock twitched, starting to leak as he tried desperately hard to stay still. Something scratched at him and he hesitated, not sure if he was allowed to speak. 

Derek raised an eyebrow, his smile showing a glimpse of fang. 

‘Got something to say?’ he asked. ‘You can tell me.’ 

‘I…’ Stiles gripped the comforter hard enough for his knuckles to go white. ‘I know you said no humiliation. I just…’ He looked at him pleadingly. ‘Could you call me a bitch?’ He squeezed his eyes shut as soon as he said it, knowing that he couldn’t get any more embarrassed. 

‘Oh.’ Derek sounded surprised and Stiles cracked an eye open. ‘I didn’t think you’d be into that?’

‘It’s not like I want to be a girl or anything.’ Stiles squirmed. ‘It’s just...well, it’s hot.’ 

He hadn’t known to expect but the flash of electric blue told him that Derek obviously didn’t seem to mind the idea. 

‘Yeah, it is.’ He resumed his stroking. ‘You want that, cub? You want to be my good little bitch?’

‘Oh yes.’ Stiles arched up into the touch, stupidly turned on. ‘Please.’

‘Alright.’ Derek reached for the lube, uncapping it and making a show of wetting his fingers. ‘You can be my good little bitch.’


	5. Would You Be So Kind To Stay A While With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end :)))) This is all pretty much just smut and feels.

Ten minutes in and Stiles couldn’t breathe. He was splayed out on the bed, hands gripping the sheet and the covers kicked to the floor. Derek was amazed that they’d even managed to get them off, considering how much wriggling Stiles was doing. 

He eased himself onto his side, positioned between Stiles and the wall and drove in a little harder. Stiles rescinded with the most perfect full body shudder, his knees splayed open in a wanton display that made Derek’s mouth dry with want. 

He glanced down to where he had two fingers in Stiles, working him open steadily and occasionally leaning down to suck the nipple nearest to him, tugging lightly with his teeth just to hear Stiles moan. He was so responsive, his heart rate and scent letting Derek know everything he was feeling, his arousal lifting and falling like a melody with his body the instrument that Derek was learning to play. He gave the nipple a final flick with his tongue and pressed in with his fingers, stroking lightly over Stiles’ prostate. 

‘You getting there, cub?’ he asked and Stiles gasped and nodded frantically. He was being so good, keeping his hands where Derek had pressed then and watching attentively everything Derek was doing to him. 

‘Green.’ he panted. ‘Jesus, so fucking green.’ 

‘Good boy.’ Derek pulled out, rubbing around Stiles’ entrance before sliding back in. He was loose and open, a lovely shade of red from the attention. Derek would have been very happy to just keep playing with Stiles’ ass, make him come like that, but he had plans and he was going to stick to them. 

He reached over Stiles, grabbing the butt plug where he’d placed it next to him on the bed.. He held it up. 

‘Stiles.’ He injected authority into his voice and the dom inside him delighted with how Stiles snapped back into focus when he heard the tone. His amber eyes cleared as he looked up at Derek and then the butt plug, a gorgeous eager smile lighting up his face. 

‘Green.’ he said and Derek returned his smile, leaning down to kiss him. Stiles opened his mouth for him and Derek took his time, likcing out the taste of arousal and heat. He used the distraction to reach down between Stiles’ legs, pressing in with the plug as he pulled back, saliva connecting their mouths from the messiness of the kiss. He thrust it home, not hesitating to put a bit of strength into it and Stiles cried out helplessly, his long legs jerking once before he melted into the bed. 

‘Do you like that, cub?’ he asked and Stiles’ smile turned hazy and soft. 

‘It feels so good, Alpha.’ He was hoarse and Derek hadn’t even gotten his cock in his mouth yet. He couldn’t wait to fuck Stiles’ throat raw. He twisted the plug, pushing in and flicking the switch on in one movement and Stiles keened high and frantic as the vibrations kicked in. 

That was Derek’s cue and he slid down the bed, getting up and taking off his jeans. He’d been restraining himself but now he wanted Stiles to see what he’d done to him. He stood proudly, extremely gratified by the expression of glee on Stiles’ face when he got his first look at Derek’s cock. 

‘Oh.’ He was grinning like crazy. ‘I am a lucky boy.’ He reached out, making grabby hands. ‘Can I touch it?’

‘Not yet.’ Derek smiled and came to the edge of the bed. He was rampant, his cock already starting to show the slight bulge at the base that indicated his knot was forming. Stiles wasn’t far off either, his own cock straining against his belly and leaking freely into that terribly tempting line of dark hair that ran down from his stomach. ‘First, I get to make you come with my mouth. Then you get to touch it. ‘

‘Okay, Alpha.’ Stiles wriggled happily. He was slipping into sub space almost as naturally as some of the most experienced subs Derek had worked with. Once he’d had some more training, he’d be absolutely perfect and he’d be all Derek’s. That thought alone made Derek’s cock twitch and he moved to kneel on the end of the bed, bracing himself over Stiles’ cock on both hands. 

‘Have you ever thought about this?’ he asked, looking Stiles in the eye. ‘About me on my knees for you, sucking your cock?’

‘Yes.’ Stiles breathed. ‘I’ve jacked off so many times thinking about that.’ 

‘Good.’ Derek lowered his head, breathing in deeply. Stiles smelled amazing, the musk of his pubic hair and the sharpness of pre-come making Derek’s fangs want to drop. He kept then in through sheer force of will and licked, one long line of saliva up the length of Stiles’ cock. He tasted every bit as good as he smelled and Derk took the time to lap up the precome matted in his body hair before turning his attention to the head. Stiles was cut and he could be a little harder in his ministrations, using his tongue to tease and then moving down to suck on the head, gently to hear Stiles swear like a trooper as he swirled his tongue around the crown. 

‘Fuck.’ Stiles was clearly trying not to fuck up into Derek’s mouth and the thought was mind-blowing, that Stiles was fighting his natural instincts for Derek. He rewarded him by sinking down more, easing Stiles’ cock all the way in until his nose was buried in dark curls. He was shaking now, his breathing coming fast and light and Derek reached back down and kicked the vibration up one more notch. He wasn’t going to test Stiles too much on this first orgasm. He could smell it coming, hear the beat of Stiles’ heart getting more rapid and he swallowed around his cock just as Stiles came, yelling loud enough to bring the roof down as he arched right off the bed. 

Derek smiled, swallowing and coming back up to tenderly lick him clean. He watched as Stiles fell back down, his eyes glazed over and his skin flushed from endorphins. 

‘Very good boy.’ He leaned back up and kissed him once, letting it linger for a while. ‘Now it’s my turn.’

‘Please.’ Stiles whispered and tilted his head back, baring his throat. Derek’s fangs did make an appearance at that. It was a perfect gesture of submission and he was so tempted to take what was being offered and sink his teeth in to mark Stiles as his forever. But that would need a whole other conversation and he sat up, adjusting Stiles so he could straddle him. He shuffled forward so he was over Stiles’ chest, stroking his cock a few times to take the edge off. 

‘Are you ready for this?’ he asked. ‘It’s okay if it’s too much. You can say no.’ 

‘Are you kidding?’ There was the smallest amount of snark and it made Derek so happy to hear it. ‘I’ve been dying to get my mouth on you.’ 

‘Good.’ Derek braced one hand on the headboard and guided his cock to Stiles’ lips, painting them with his own precome and watching Stiles lick it off. This was a more intimate form of marking. Any wolf who came within a yard of Stiles would be able to smell Derek on him. 

‘You’re marking me.’ Stiles sounded smug and Derek startled. 

‘Are you reading my mind?’ he asked and Stiles gave him a cheeky grin and then licked the tip, looking far too knowing as he did it. 

‘I’ve done my research.’ he replied. ‘I bet you want to come on my face too.’

‘You little brat.’ Derek growled, extremely pleased. ‘I will but that’s not all I’m going to do today. I’m also marking your ass, coming all the way inside you like I would if I wanted to breed you.’ 

‘Oh I like that.’ Stiles’ eyes were glowing. ‘You going to knot me, Alpha?’

‘Yes.’ Derek tapped his cock against Stiles’ lower lip. ‘Now open up like a good bitch. I want to fuck your mouth.’ 

‘So fucking hot.’ Stiles smiled and then whined when Derek pushed in, grabbing him by the hair to hold him still. He didn’t go deep, just enough for Stiles to go cross eyed with pleasure. He reached for the lube with his free hand and put it in Stiles. 

‘Come on.’ he urged. ‘You know what I want. Put them in me.’ 

That was not something they’d discussed but the way Stiles’ eyes went wide and the arousal in his scent spiked told Derek he was on board. He did as he was told and reached around and Derek moaned when he felt Stiles’ fingers searching, making him wet. 

‘Do it, cub.’ he ordered. ‘Fuck me wirth them. Hard.’ 

Stiles made a wonderful pleading noise, mouth stretched around his cock as he thrust in and the burn and stretch was perfect. Derek started to rock back and forth into Stiles’ mouth and onto his fingers. This was exactly what he’d wanted and he looked at Stiles, the aggressive eye contact grounding him enough to speak. 

‘Harder.’ he said. ‘I’m going to fuck your mouth now. If you need me to stop, hit the headboard twice. Do you understand?’ He pulled out long enough for Stiles to nod and say green and then drove back in. This time he was unrestrained and Stiles took his cue from that, thrusting in hard and deep and with no rhythm at all. 

‘Fuck.’ Derek let his fangs drop and his eyes light up, loosening the grip on his desire and growling when Stiles started sucking hard every time he pulled back. It wasn’t going to take long and he felt the deep pull in his balls, the way his whole body lit up and eased out. He took up the pace himself. ‘You still okay for the face?’

‘Yes.’ Stiles hissed and closed his eyes just in time for Derek to shoot all over him, thick white streaks matting his eyelashes and smearing across his nose and mouth, his ass clenching hard around Stiles’ fingers. His knot was threatening but Derek could pull it back. He smiled, rocking the last few aftershocks on Stiles’ fingers. 

‘Next time you’re going to fuck me.’ he panted, dragging his fingers through the come on Stiles’ face and licking it off. ‘I want this in my ass., marking me like I’m going to mark you.’ 

‘Yes, Alpha.’ Stiles was starry eyed and well on his way to getting hard again. The vibrator was still buzzing away and Derek turned it off, moving so he could ease it out and toss it to the side. He stretched, luxuriating in the surge of endorphins and then getting up. This was only the first time he’d come and he was now buzzing for the main event. He went to retrieve one of the two dildos, clear silicon with neon confetti scattered through it, and came back, showing it to Stiles. 

‘Can’t you just fuck me now?’ Stiles whined. ‘I’m ready.’ 

‘No.’ Derek admonished, smacking him with the dildo. ‘My cock is going to get bog when it’s in you. This will help.’ He grinned at Stiles’ pouty face. ‘And I’m looking forward to edging you for a bit, see how good your stamina is.’ 

‘I thought you said no sadism.’ Stiles grumbled and Derek laughed and got on the bed, moving too quickly for Stiles to track, shoving the dildo all the way inside him. It got a squawk of outrage and then a deep moan when Derek started up a hard rhythm, working the dildo expertly. He did this to himself all the time, getting himself to the edge and then pulling back to do it all over again. He was merciless, slowing down just when Stiles was starting to get close, easing it in and out and then building the intensity back up again. They were both sweating now, their skin slick and the smell thick in the room. That was when Derek unleashed his claws, holding his hand up for Stiles to see. When he noticed, his pupils dilated so quickly, Derek was a little alarmed. 

‘Oh please.’ he begged, his eyes fixed on Derek’s hand. ‘Please Alpha. I need it.’ 

Derek nodded and started off slow, dragging the tips over the soft skin of Stiles belly. He trailed them around his slowly hardening cock, traced his aureola and then used the very ends to pinch his nipples until they were pink. Stiles stared the whole time, completely enraptured. He was taking the dildo easily now, his body opening up for it. Derek moved to the inside of his thigh, digging in a little harder and he spasmed hard, the pain he was feeling obviously taking him higher. 

‘Please.’ Now it was begging, plain and simple. ‘I want it deeper.’ 

‘You got it, cub.’ Derek panted, all attempts to remain in control abandoned as he thrust the dildo into the hilt and pressed in hard enough to just break the skin, four perfect red points, the blood welling up around his claws and staining the air with copper. 

Stiles was noisy thrashing around and then going limp, his cock jerking without coming. Derek could smell his climax though and he removed the dildo and grabbed Stiles’ under the thighs, yanking him forward so his ass was in Derek’s lap. He licked the puncture marks, a few laps cleaning the wounds and sealing them, before thrusting in without preamble. He went in easy, the slick heat surrounding him and drawing him until he was balls deep. Stiles’ blood smeared over his skin, his own mark, and Derek started thrusting in, heedless of anything else but the feel of Stiles’ around him. He went hard, picking up the pace when Stiles started to get noisy, helpless cries of pure pleasure. Their bodies impacted loudly, lube squelching and Derek shifted to beta form, growling loudly as he chased his release. He spat in his hand and reached down, saliva mixing with precome and lube as he started stroking Stiles off. He timed it to his thrusts and Stiles started to jerk with each one, his eyes nothing but pupil. He smelled utterly delicious, pheromones pouring off his skin. 

‘Ask for it.’ Derek growled. ‘Beg for it, cub.’

‘Please Alpha.’ Stiles locked eyes with him. ‘Fuck me and knot my ass. I want you to breed me like your bitch.’ 

‘You are my bitch.’ Derek redoubled his efforts, hips driving in powerfully. ‘You’re mine now, cub. Nobody else gets to touch you.’ 

‘Nobody.’ Stiles bowed up, his climax hitting him hard. He cried out, unrestrained as he came all over Derek’s hand. The tight clench of his ass triggered Derek’s knot fully and it swelled in seconds. He switched to grinding in deep, feeling the way Stiles was being overstimulated as his body bore down again and again. That was all he needed and Derek’s own back arched as he drive in and came, his roar rattling the window. It was intense and lengthy, his knot setting off a series of orgasms that gradually decreased in strength until his was done, his head hanging as he panted his way through them. 

When he came back he saw that Stiles was limp, his eyes open but not seeing. Derek hummed and dragged his claws lightly up Stiles’ sides, hard enough to leave delicate welts but not break the skin. Stiles shivered and panted softly, completely lost to subspace. He was drifting, murmuring when Derek stroked his sweaty hair off his face and kissed his slack mouth, licking the come off his face. 

He moved carefully, gathering Stiles up in his arms and rolling them over carefully so Stiles was sprawled over him. 

‘Such a good little bitch.’ he crooned, peppering Stiles’ face with kisses. ‘You did so well. I’m so proud of you.’ 

‘Thank you, Alpha.’ Stiles slurred, snuggling in close with his face in Derek’s neck. The bed sheets were tacking with sweat and spotted with blood and everything smelled like sex and semen and the both of them. 

It was perfect.

Derek enfolded him in his arms, protective and gentle as he made Stiles comfortable. He moved slowly, barely thrusting as he let himself fly as well. There would be plenty of time later to clean up and rest. 

Right now he wanted to bask. 

It was only when the sun went down that he pulled out. Stiles was fast asleep and he went to grab a warm washcloth to clean him up, licking his swollen entrance first to make sure he was whole and not torn in any way. He wiped Stiles clean, smiling when he heard the shift in his heart beat. 

A quick trip to the kitchen and he came back with water and a clementine, peeling ti with his claws while Stiles woke up, blinking slowly. 

‘Damn.’ He rubbed his eyes. ‘That was...wow. I didn’t think it would be like that the first time.’ 

‘You’re a natural.’ Derek smiled. He helped Stiles sit up and handed him the water. ‘Time to rehydrate.’

He fed him half the glass and most of the clementine before finishing the rest himself and getting back onto the bed, bringing the covers with him. He settled them in, Stiles’ head on his chest, tucking the covers in around them. 

‘Did you enjoy it?’ he asked and Stiles smiled, giddy and light in a way that Derek hadn’t seen since for far too long. 

‘I did.’ he looked up at Derek, his amber eyes perfectly clear. ‘Thank you.’ 

Derek kissed him, smiling against his mouth. 

‘You’re welcome, cub.’ he replied and lay them both down to sleep a little longer.


End file.
